Welcoming a new baby is a huge moment, and that remains true whether it’s your first or subsequent time becoming a parent. But for those who already have a child, it can come with an extra worry – how will your toddler deal with this rather significant change to their life? They can often feel a mix of emotions. Everything from confusion to excitement to jealousy can be swirling around in different ratios. Some little ones may even feel a bit threatened by the arrival of a new baby, as they may feel that they won’t receive any attention anymore. Luckily, with a bit of preparation, you can help your toddler get used to the idea so they feel secure and involved – and those feelings of excitement could even become the major feeling as the time arrives! So, without further ado, let’s look at some of the time-proven ways you can help prepare them for their new little brother or sister.
Talk About the Baby Early
As soon as you’re comfortable sharing the news, bring your child into the conversation using words they can understand and cope with. It might be a good idea to wait until you’re happy with everyone else knowing, as expecting a young child to keep this type of news secret is probably not realistic, but once you’ve reached that stage? Share away. They’ll start to notice, and they’ll be curious about what’s happening to mum’s tummy or why you’re sick (if you’re one of the many unlucky enough to be dealing with morning sickness), so using age-appropriate language to explain will keep them from feeling like they’re being left out of something. There are several children’s books dealing with the topic of a new baby arriving, so maybe head down to your local library to see if they have any of them – they can be a fantastic way to help your child know what’s going on while still keeping up the usual bonding routines of having a story before bed! As your belly grows, they might like to feel baby kick, or they might like to see any ultrasound images you have. Just make sure you keep it to things they want to know about. Trying to make toddlers enjoy something they aren’t interested in doesn’t always work, as many of you have probably already experienced!
Involve Them in the Pregnancy
Within reason, letting your toddler participate in simple decisions is another way to let them feel like they know what’s going on and they aren’t being forgotten. You might like to take them out to choose a toy to give to their new sibling or choose the first outfit baby will wear home. Helping decorate the baby’s new room can also give them a real sense of accomplishment and result in them feeling more excited with the anticipation of showing off all their work!
Create a Realistic Picture of What to Expect
Toddlers thrive on routines, so help them understand how life might change when the baby arrives. Explain that babies cry, sleep a lot, and need frequent feedings. Avoid sugarcoating it; realistic expectations reduce frustration later. For example, letting them know that babies can’t play at first lets them know what to expect and should, hopefully, cut down on some of the frustration that may otherwise have arisen when reality doesn’t meet their expectations.
Reinforce Their Role as the Big Sibling
Try to frame the change in a positive manner. Simple things, such as letting slip how lucky the new baby will be to have such a wonderful older sibling as them, can prove extremely encouraging for them, giving them an important role in the family. Some family members might like to give the older child a “big brother/sister” gift when bubs is born, though this isn’t hugely common and is in no way necessary. Otherwise, properly introducing your children to each other on the first visit after delivery will ensure all know that this is still a family unit – just with an extra member!
Demonstrate
Some of you may have had some practice with dolls at antenatal classes, where you’re shown how to change, rock, feed and bathe your baby. Did you know you can also use this method to demonstrate to your toddler what will be happening? Even though they may not be old enough to do these things themselves, they can still learn and understand what you’ll be doing with baby and, more importantly, why. You can even get them practising how to hold the new baby, something they may want to do once everyone is settled at home. Many parents find it helpful to sit their toddler inside the curve of a maternity or tri pillow on the floor when they have their first turn holding the baby, as this does a lot to prevent any potential accidents and allows both toddler and mum & dad to feel a little more relaxed. Using a doll to practice this while showing them behaviours to avoid means that everyone knows what to expect.
One-on-one Time
It’s not uncommon for toddlers to feel jealous – but it can be mitigated. Once bubs has arrived, try to build even small amounts of time for one-on-one attention with them. As little as ten minutes of play or cuddle time with just them is a fantastic way to make sure they feel valued, secure, and not left out – though if you can manage more, go for it! You can even incorporate some play time with those usual parts of the daily routine. Haakaa’s Alien Explorer Bath Toys are a great way to make the before bed bath a whole lot more fun, and even better, they can act as a daily toy even at other times!
Emotions and Setbacks
Don’t be surprised if there is some regression once baby arrives. Your previously toilet-trained toddler may start having accidents, or their sleep habits might revert to waking more frequently. While this doesn’t happen with every child (they’re all unique, after all!), it’s still something that is very common, and being aware it may come and trying to have the patience to get through it will help you all deal with it. Emotions can also well up, and again, there’s not much more you can do other than be patient. You will all get through this change, and your new normal will settle down into a good routine.
Let Other Help
It’s often recommended to let your partner, close friends, or family members get a bit more involved with your toddler to help you establish breastfeeding, usually by taking them out or playing with them in another part of the house. What’s even better about this, though, is that it works in two ways. It definitely makes things easier on you as you get started on breastfeeding, letting you bond with your new baby, but it also gives your older child something to make them feel special, too – and you can then discuss what they did, saw, and had read to them afterwards!
A new baby is a challenge filled with changes, adjustments and compromise, and that goes for your older children at least as much. Still, with a bit of preparation and a boatload of empathy, you can, as a family, make this transition with confidence and fun. It’s not just a growing family – it’s a new role for your child to grow into as an older sibling, and while it may take them time to learn, with support, they’ll adjust until they don’t remember it ever being any other way!